Funny UFO Book Review

Robert Girard (1942 – 2011) used to own and operate the amazing Arcturus Books mail order company. Arcturus used to carry my old magazine The Excluded Middle, and he was supportive in his comments.

He reviewed just about every book in his catalog, and pulled no punches. If he hated a book, he told you so, and then gave you the price if you still wanted to order it. As I was going through material for the ebook edition of It Defies Language, I came across this old UFOmystic post which reprinted one of Girard’s most famous reviews about a children’s book on “alien” contact.

ceto

Haley, Leah. Ceto’s New Friends. Greenleaf, 1994. 8 1/2 x 11 HC, 32pp.

My jaw dropped so far down when I saw this that my belly button hurt for a week (though it might have been a sinking feeling in the pit of my gut causing the pain, I admit). This is a book for ultra-young readers by abductee/author Leah Haley (Lost was the Key). It has a total of 281 words in the text. It’s apparent intention is to introduce toddlers to alien abductions early (say, age 3 or so), before they find out the hard way — later in life — via trauma, ruined lives, etc., and to make the introduction a friendly one, in which the toddlers apply their innate trust in all things and all beings to the very monsters who are going to stick long needles into their bellies, ram huge contraptions up their behinds, empty their brains, make them pregnant and then rip out the fetuses, cut them, scrape them, inflict unspeakable pain on them and tell them (if anything at all) ‘it is necessary that we do this.’

Of course, none of those things ever happen to the two tykes in the book — and that’s what strikes me as being the ultimate Big Lie that one could ever inflict upon a totally impressionable mind: the idea that the greys are our friends. Sorry folks — I think it’s a bad idea to fill tiny little heads with Santa Claus just because you want to see ‘em glow with happy anticipation around Christmastime. It’s bad to stuff Jesus, heaven and hell into all-trusting minds. And it’s certainly bad to lie to infants about alien interaction with humans.This is the most unfortunate development in UFOlogy in many years, certain to create numerous traumas of it’s own for some of it’s innocent little readers — as they find out first hand what the greys really do with humans. This book is an appalling artifact — we recommend it only for extremely open-minded adults. Keep it locked up like you keep your handguns locked up, so that the kiddies don’t blow their heads off. $18.95

Girard repudiated his review soon after publication in his catalog. Too bad. Based on the review, I purchased a copy from Arcturus, and it still sits on the top shelf of my UFO book collection.

4 thoughts on “Funny UFO Book Review”

  1. Ah, how I miss Bob Girard! I met him only a couple of times but corresponded with him a lot. He was the very model of the UFO crank. Abduction stories may be reflective of real life hospital traumas, so a book like this might actually be useful in figuring out how to talk to kids. But I share Bob’s disadain for New Age nicey-nice talk about about something so potentially damaging. Does make for great, ironic humor, though.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *